Have you ever felt overwhelmed or frustrated because there are so many demands and only one of you? Do you tend to regret doing things for others? This may be a sign that you have no boundaries.
In today’s society, women wear many hats. Many women are moms, significant others, caregivers and women professionals. With only 24 hours in a day, most women feel depleted at the end of the day because they have so much to do and not enough time to get it done. Many women feel unfulfilled while fulfilling the needs of others.
If we can be honest, this can get old and very draining for one person to deal with day in and day out. According to Webster dictionary, boundary is defined as "a line that marks the limits of an area." From a practical perspective, being able to determine what limits you need to create to manage your internal world as well as external world. Being able to take care of yourself first without feeling ashamed about it. Being able to create limits with your time and the access people have to you.
As a mom it may be hard to tell your child not right now but if you are working on something important for you, you have to create the boundary.
It can be hard to not support a friend, but if you are tired and really don’t feel like going to her event, don't go.
It can be hard to tell your boss that you can’t host the Christmas party this year at work because you have other projects.
Most women struggle with boundaries because they do not want to let others down. While reading an article "How to create healthy boundaries". The reason that boundaries are so important is because it helps you
Practice self-care and self-respect
To communicate your needs in your relationships
To make time and space for positive interactions
When proper boundaries are not in place you risk your sanity and the possible lashing out at others because you are depleted as a person.
Tonya Cunningham, a Grief Doctor and Kim Daniels, a hairstylist both understand the importance of boundaries and how not having them in place affects them personally. Here is what they had to say about creating boundaries in their lives.
Q: What boundaries do you have in place as a woman professional?
T.C: "As a women professional that is a full time therapist and grief coach, I have to set boundaries daily,"
Cunningham said.
"Because of my industry dealing with grief, many times my clients believe they have 24 hour access to me. I have to constantly remind them that I am not available to them 24-7. I had to create space between myself and my clients by putting systems in place. If the client wants an appointment, they should book it directly through my site and not through me directly," Cunningham said.
"As a mom, I had to let my children know that I can't do all the housework alone, so I delegated chores to each child," Cunningham said.
K.D. "As a wife, stepmom and hair stylist, I am always busy and it can be draining. I first had to create boundaries within my home. I expressed to my husband, what I needed help with such as cooking or cleaning. It was unfair to me to work all day and do all the things at home too. My husband and I both having strengths in certain areas so I decided to leverage those and give myself a break in some areas," Daniels said.
"As a hairstylist, I had to train my clients to respect my time by letting them know that it is important to be on time to your appointments and don't cancel with short notice. This allows me to set boundaries that gives me peace and not frustrate me," Daniels said.
Q: How have these boundaries helped you as a woman professional?
T.C. "Boundaries have been a blessing to me because it allows me to really honor my time and my space, "Cunningham said.
"As a therapist, you need time to really decompress. It is hard to fully be present for others when you are so drained with the needs of others all the time. I had to really make time for me and make sure that my mental and physical self was fulfilled," Cunningham said.
K.D. "Having clear boundaries has enriched my marriage life and my relationship with my step-daughter. I am not so angry when I get home and yelling at everyone because I learned to express my needs. I am more calm and have peace knowing that I created a healthy boundary that not only benefits me but my family." Daniels said.
"I have a great client base because I have weeded out the ones who disrespected my time," Daniels said.
If you are wondering how to create healthy boundaries in your life, check out the latest Milwaukee Woman Today podcast episode.
Shanita Rowsey is a senior at Mt Mary University. She is majoring in Communications and Journalism. She enjoys writing uplifting and empowering content. Her goal is to become a well known author and journalist.
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